Finding the perfect match

Written by: Cristian Charles Lluellas
Published: | Updated: 10/01/2019
Edited by: Top Doctors®

The choice of a person as a partner goes beyond a dependent random process chance and fate. Specifically, it is the meeting of two people with relational patterns that fit apparently, although often they are dysfunctional patterns.

find perfect match

What people look for in a relationship?

All people, whether consciously or unconsciously, looking for something in a relationship: stability, protection, to be loved, admired, to be admired or social status, among others. According to experts in psychology , the person that craving causes it to behave in a certain way in their relationship.

When a relationship breaks down, as needs one looks for in a couple remain intact, leads him to seek again a person to get what I craved. The problem is when the person longs in a relationship or how to get it is wrong.

For example, Mary is a woman who longs to be loved in a relationship. Had a relatively normal childhood but a father who was never able to please, so knew she had to make all kinds of sacrifices and demonstrations "unconditional" to gain her attention and affection. As an adult, she met Peter, a man casually something narcissistic and unable to recognize the needs of others. Thus Mary was found playing the relational pattern with his father, being doomed to a frustrating relationship that delivers everything it can and more to be recognized and loved.


Is it wrong to yearn to be loved?

Of course not! Craving to be loved in a relationship should be something intrinsic to it. The error is on the way to find that longing. In the above case, for example, Mary should review the way that gets attention and esteem of others. He must learn that she has a number of qualities and should not be continually giving herself to receive love, but should receive it without having to do anything about it.

The way of acting of Peter is not good, but you can not blame their own failures on others. Such situations should lead us to reflect on why I have decided to be with these people.

Until the person does not change its pattern of relationship, it can hardly be in a happy relationship.


Change the pattern of relationship

It does not cost much to change the pattern of relationship, just need to focus and work it well.

Currently, relationships are formed and break at breakneck speeds. The technology industry creates more tools to meet people through social networks and mobile applications, to learn more quickly to people you start a relationship and play the same relational models that tripping over themselves to another failure. However, there are few tools that indicate what the person is mistaken.


Finding the perfect match

To see why relationships do not work partner is important to look outside to look inside yourself. If the person is able to review and change what does not work, it is more likely to be in the future with people to be happy. At the end of the day, that is the real purpose of all.

*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection
 Cristian Charles Lluellas

By Cristian Charles Lluellas

Cristian Charles Lluelas is a leading specialist in Psychology. Nowadays, in addition to being part of the Team of Dr. M. Alfonso, for more than five years he has been the Director of the Cental Salut Mental de Badalona, ​​belonging to the Badalona Municipal Institute of Serveis Personals. He holds a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, as well as several postgraduate courses on the specialty.

He is the founder of TERAPIUM, a Family and Child Care Center, formed by a team of professionals specialized in the psycho-socio-educational care of children, adolescents and their families. Terapium is a center specializing in the psychological care of children and adolescents.

*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection

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