Self-esteem is the window through which we see the world and we perceive ourselves. If we want good, it would be like to have a clean window from which we will put the emphasis on our strengths, our qualities, the things that leave us well and, through it, in the most positive and constructive aspects of the world around us. On the contrary if we want evil, it would be like to have a murky window and fogged from which we will put the emphasis on our weaknesses, our shortcomings, our mistakes and from there, we will perceive the negative aspects of others and the environment that surrounds us.
And it is that as Nathalie Branden says, self - esteem is how the immune system of our consciousness, if we have healthy protects us from suffering psychological problems and personal conflicts, if not, we are more likely to have anxiety, depression and communication problems , which shows that no self - esteem begins and ends in us, but begins in oneself and is manifested in our relationships with others.
What it depends on a healthy self - esteem
We can ask, What determines the window of our self - esteem is clean? Does it depend on others, it depends on us?
Children are born valuable, but do not know and rely on the image reference people, parents usually give them. Psychological pats offer, ie manifestations of unconditional affection both physical and verbal to the children are the main food of healthy self - esteem, allowing them to develop their personality fundamental ingredients to love each other well, which are trust and love towards oneself.
However, children do not always receive these positive images of adults, based on acceptance and unconditional love, because the people responsible for their care were not able to take them for their own emotional wounds. However, when we are adults we are responsible for our self - esteem, and we must develop the internal work to embrace the wounded part not accepted that leads to a healthy self - esteem and restorative.
Accepted unconditionally, secret self - esteem
From this point of view, it is important to integrate everything that we reject ourselves, rather than wanting to start it and fight it. The direction that leads to rebuild self-esteem is inward and not outward. This would be welcome anything that we do not like ourselves instead of plugging or expel what bothers us. Making unit inside, heal self - esteem, and from there we improve the relationship with others, relationships are no longer dependent and demanding to be relationships more nutrients and enriching without waiting for the other person to cover the emotional gap that is up to us fill in.
Self-esteem is a feeling of being at peace with what one is. This feeling emerges from the deep acceptance of all that we do not like ourselves, reconciled with all parties in conflict in our inner space.
This unconditional acceptance of love ourselves as we are, does not prevent change, but on the contrary, it facilitates and even make this occur faster. And this is because when we embrace and welcome all that we are, we stop wasting energy on fighting part of ourselves, and have available to improve and transform.
Overcome difficulties with a caregiver
Any obstacle or difficulty that arises when we want good, is accepted and integrated into the process of life and becomes the fuel that feeds our true self. And that love each well does not depend on our professional successes, of our qualities considered positive or our economic achievements, but beyond all that, true self - esteem, depends on our capacity to welcome us despite our failures, our mistakes, our shortcomings and our weaknesses.
The key is to develop a caregiver who welcome us in difficult times and thus to experiment how self - esteem becomes a cushion of afflictive emotions.
True self - esteem has nothing to do with perfectionism, but has to do with the acceptance of our soft underbelly.
Healthy self - esteem despite failures
Therefore, where we have to put the focus of our attention it is not to change what we do not like, but hold him in to say: yes it is, and is being, and from that sincere and honest recognition direct our energy towards the manifestation of what we believe is best for us, considering that any belief we have is good if you give us peace and internal and external harmony, and if not it might be worthwhile to review them and transform them into ideas that bring us closer to the bottom of serenity that belongs to us by nature.
This concept of self - esteem linked to the acceptance of what we are, we are about to experience the value of us regardless of the swing of the events of our lives, whether or not happen what we want, whether we appreciate it or not, because our sense of worth does not depend on the outside, but from ourselves.
Francisca Rodriguez, a clinical psychologist and Susi Lizón, humanist psychologist