What happens when our partner tells us that leave us?

Written by: Esther Miralpeix García
Published: | Updated: 07/11/2018
Edited by: Top Doctors®

In this article we are going to talk about a situation that can affect many people, but in a different way. All these people will have in common a fact: their partner has abandoned them, but we have to differentiate how each one faces this situation, according to their previous personality.

In every human being there is an affective and social dependence. This can be a normal and healthy component, even necessary for the life of a couple. Even so, in some cases of love breakdown, depending on the degree of dependence, we would be faced with a harmful affective dependence that prevents us from continuing with our lives.

The moment of the break can be a good time to consider what is really happening to us and be able to assess what kind of relationship we had with our partner. Analyze which personal situations awaken this new situation and what fears appear (fear of loneliness, social rejection, etc.).


The moment of the break can be a good time to consider what is really happening to us


Often our social environment is on our side and makes us see that really the relationship we had was not healthy. However, the abandoned person feels sunken and tearful. The fear of loneliness , low self-esteem predominate in their thoughts, continuously devaluing themselves, or even idealizing their ex-partner. Depending on the degree of affective dependence the person can be more or less able to realize if the relationship that was just broken was beneficial for her or not.

The person with an intense affective dependence will find it more difficult to resist returning to their partner even if the relationship is harmful to them. Sometimes, someone can talk about the separation is real and total, when in fact he continues to have daily contact with his partner.

Consulting a professional at the time of breaking a relationship would be appropriate. Through therapy, the psychologist can help the person to perform the grieving process that represents the loss of a loved one, in this case the lost couple. It will be necessary to analyze the degree of affective dependence ; see if perhaps the dependency does not appear only in their relationships as a couple but also in other types of relationships (friendship or family).

In the case of the emotionally dependent person , an excessive need for affection predominates that sometimes leads him to deny the evidence of some information provided by the environment, thereby cheating himself to be able to continue an obviously harmful relationship. It is also common for affective dependents to look for a certain type of partner that tends to humiliate them and may become victims of situations that undermine their self-esteem.. Affective dependent persons are characterized by the manifestation of addictive behaviors in the interpersonal relationship, based on a dependent attitude in relation to the subject on which they depend. Affective dependents tend to be emotionally vulnerable and tend to choose exploitative couples. In these cases, psychological help is more necessary than ever because a tendency of the emotional dependent promotes the repetition of the same pattern of behavior: it will look for one partner after another. When you tend to look for a similar type of person, a couple pattern - rupture with an important emotional exhaustion is produced.


*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection
 Esther Miralpeix García

By Esther Miralpeix García

The psychologist Esther Miralpeix is ​​a renowned expert in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. He has spent 40 years working as a psychologist helping people trying to find solutions to their problems. He has participated in numerous conferences on psychology and communications presented several conferences organized by the EFPP (European Federation of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy). And was a founding member in good standing of the Catalan Association of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy (ACPP) from 1994-1997 and Minister of the adult section of the EFPP from March 1993 until May 1996 bring new perspectives to your life will help you open new Horizons.

*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection