Duelo y pérdida: cómo superarlo y cuándo es necesaria la ayuda psicológica

The losses, throughout a life, are multiple and varied, as well as unavoidable. The non-elaboration of an important duel predisposes to difficulties with other duels. A duel or a set of badly elaborated duels can become chronic in any mental illness.

On the other hand, if the systems of containment of pain and emotional suffering are flexible and receptive, they lead to an elaborate duel that can lead to an increase in the creativity of the individual and their internal and external relationship capacities.. The importance of the processes of mourning for the structuring of the personality and for mental health must be borne in mind.

There are different types of losses for which (all people will pass) we can spend throughout our lives:

1. Loss of people : death, divorce, emigration, children who become independent.
2. Loss of objects : for theft, catastrophes or economic difficulties.
3. Loss of physical abilities , due to physical problems or aging.
4. Loss of status , due to change of work.
5. Loss of pets

What is grief?

Mourning is the normal process of the elaboration of a loss, which aims at the sentimental, cognitive and social reorganization, accepting the loss and following a new path .

To elaborate the duel means to get in touch with the emotions that this loss provokes and to understand them, assuming and ending accepting the new internal and external reality of the person.

We understand mourning and mourning processes as the set of emotions, mental representations and behaviors linked to loss, frustration or pain .

The duration of grief in time depends on each individual but, in general, we can think about what was done in the past, when people were in mourning. The first year they wore rigorous black and the second, gray and purple. Today we do not go in mourning, but internally yes that the first year is black and the second gray and purple. In principle, a duel does not have to extend more than two and a half years.

What normal reactions to a loss?

When the human being suffers a loss, it reacts in different ways considered normal. The most commons are:

1. Feelings : sadness, anger, guilt, recriminations, feeling of emptiness, anxiety, loneliness, fear of having the same illness as the person who has been lost, relief, impotence, etc.
2. Physical symptoms : tightness in the chest, choking, muscle contractures, headaches, insomnia, etc.
3. Behaviors : crying, not wanting to get rid of the objects of the lost person, hyperactivity, etc.

The appearance of what has been described is habitual; what may be of concern is the degree of intensity and its maintenance over time.

Does the patient go through certain phases to overcome the duel?

In general, the grieving person goes through five phases, but it does not mean that all people have to go through the five stages, and they do not always appear in the same order.

1. Denial : It is a defense mechanism to postpone the pain that this reality produces. That means we know that it has happened rationally but we do not connect emotionally, like we do not believe it at all. It is a mechanism that gives us time to be more prepared to face the emotional impact. He has not given us time to fit the news yet .
2. Ira : There is anger and resentment due to the frustration that the loss is a reality and that nothing can be done to change it. It is frequent that anger is directed towards people who are not at fault, or even animals and objects. It is the anger with life that is projected in the environment .
3. Negotiation : There are ideas to negotiate reality, it is a defensive behavior that tries to avoid the unacceptable. You fantasize about the idea of ​​reversing the process and look for strategies. For example, it is common to try supernatural connections or with divine entities.
4. Depression : It connects with the reality of the loss completely and a feeling of emptiness appears. Deep sadness floods. It tends to isolation with the idea that "I can never get out of that state". The support of loved ones is completely necessary.
5. Acceptance : Characterized by lack of intense feelings and fatigue. This stage is reached weak, which is due to the effort that has been made in the previous stages. It is common to make an evaluation of one's life.

When is a pathological grief considered?

When the grief is poorly resolved or becomes complicated it is considered pathological. Also when the grieving process is interrupted. Sometimes it can not start because it is too painful or stagnates at some stage, without being able to move on to another. It may also happen that you go through the process but go back to an earlier stage.

In these cases may appear thoughts of death, depressed mood, apathy, physical changes such as thinning or getting fat in a short time, insomnia, symptoms of anxiety, lack of concentration and avoidance behaviors such as alcohol and drugs. Unrestrained hyperactivity may also appear.

The person can get stuck in the defense mechanism with all the suffering that can be caused by not being able to move forward in his life, harming himself and those around him.

Most appropriate treatment to overcome grief

As the person in mourning what is most needed is to understand to be able to accept, the most ideal treatment is psychodynamic psychotherapy , since it is a technique that helps to know oneself, establishing bridges with the experiences lived with significant people at the level affective.

In the treatment will be essential that the person can express their feelings and not feel judged but the opposite, to find an interlocutor that gives back to what he says and that makes it easier to dare to move forward, as it provides energy.

The loss suffered will not be forgotten, it was part of our life and should continue in our memory. If it was a loved person, it is necessary that we lived it with her, we carry it inside us and her memory can be present, that we will never lose it. If it was a person with whom we had conflict, it will still be more necessary to review, analyze and understand what there was. In these cases, duels are more difficult to elaborate. If it was not a person, if it is the loss of an object, a job, etc.. It will be necessary to learn from experience, so that it can be elaborated.

What type of patients usually go to a therapy to overcome grief?

When a person is interested in doing a therapy with a specialist in Psychology is because he is suffering. Want and need to live differently. When a duel can not be elaborated it produces great suffering to the person and to those who live with it .

You can enter a state of despair, because you can not bear the suffering that comes with the loss. Also worry about feeling lazy and passive, feeling that they are not living life. And if they are fathers or mothers, the feeling of guilt is added for not taking care of their children as they feel it corresponds.

In general, we can say that patients who suffer a complication of grief attend:

1. Chronic grief : excessive duration and never reaches a satisfactory conclusion. Resistance to accept loss, need to clarify and confront confused and ambivalent feelings. For those who had a very dependent relationship with the deceased, help him adapt to the absence and develop his own skills.
2. Delayed grief : The person may have had an emotional reaction at the time of the loss, but it was not enough. Delayed reactions can not only be triggered with a loss, also in other situations that relive the loss. It can even be in the cinema or in the theater.
3. Exaggerated grief : The person feels overwhelmed and resorts to adaptive behavior. He is aware that his symptoms are related to the loss.
4. Masked Duel : They experience symptoms and behaviors that cause difficulties, but they do not realize that they are related to the loss.