How to establish the best custody arrangements separation

Written by: Dr. Joan Deus i Yela
Published: | Updated: 20/11/2018
Edited by: Noelia Pino García

When a couple is separated children are the most affected. A separation is always a moment of crisis, grief and loss, both in life and parents of minors involved; because it will be a significant change in the lives of the entire family. Precisely for this reason, parents, understanding that children are the most vulnerable part of the family, should try to preserve as much as possible of potential conflicts that arise during separation and not involve them directly or indirectly in the management or separation process .

custody regime


Separation: how to act in front of children

The main thing is to always act in the best interest of the children. This means, among other things, involve them as little as possible within a separation conflict. That is, not make or attempt participant in the conflict that minors are positioned in favor of one or other. It is common to see parents how they are unable to isolate the children of discussions with the other parent. This implies that children have attitudes that should try to avoid, as it inevitably will, for survival in the conflict, children tend to take an active position in the conflict, which later can affect the bonding of the child with their parents custodians.


Separation: custody regime

The regime of custody must be the most benefit to the children involved. Some of the factors to consider when establishing a regime of custody are:

  • how the family was in line before the break
  • who was the primary caregiver
  • how were the child 's routines
  • the age of the child
  • the involvement of each parent in the care of minors by quality and not quantity of hours

These factors, among others, implicitly indicate what type of custody arrangements will mean a less aggressive change for children. Although the post-divorce adjustment is something to consider, there are also other important aspects. In fact, experts in psychology say that if the situation is that a father and mother are suitable parentally, have a good bond with her younger son and have the desire and logistics availability of exercising shared custody of her son , now it is considered the most optimal for families separated.

This should be the starting regime to choose and find factors that might advise against custody, and not vice versa find which elements favor a regime of custody in favor of one or the other parent. If both parents are involved with quality education and bonding of children they want to be with their parents alike.

Each family should be seen as an isolated case and should not make the mistake of trying to find a perfect magic formula that fits all cases. As mentioned above, if all requirements are met for a joint custody possible, this should be the preferred option over any other.

Still, there are times, either by level of involvement of a parent before separation or simple logistics (a parent who travel abroad for work) issues, there are times to adapt this system to the increased interest minor. In any case, what we should be preserved is always the right of the child to have contact and a healthy relationship with both parents and, therefore, although one of them has sole custody, should try to be encouraged and provide a regime visits to be as broad as possible for the non-custodial parent.


Separation: What devote attention to minor

Or not being more aware of the child depends on each particular case. As discussed, the best that can be done to protect the child before a process as traumatic as their parents separate, is to isolate the conflict between adults. If you do that, chances are that the child assumes the separation in a healthy way, without blame or position towards any party. Still, it is likely that implicitly or explicitly, the child does not accept parental separation and this is something that will take time, like any other match. During this process, the best thing parents can do is show your child that has not lost any of his parents and will continue to have both but they are no longer together, so that he can go assimilating gradually new situation.

*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection

By Dr. Joan Deus i Yela

Renowned specialist in psychology, Dr. Deus i Yela specializes in neuropsychology. Currently he coordinates the Psychology Service-Unit of Clinical Psychology and Neuropsychology of Adults in Gynecologic and Obstetricio Center (CGO) in Mataro. Doctorate in Psychology from the University of Barcelona, ​​in 2010 received the European Certificate of Clinical Psychology. He is a specialist in Clinical Psychology by the Ministry and also won the State Neuropsychology Accreditation by the Association of Physicians of Spain. He combines his professional career with teaching, working as a lecturer at the International University of Catalonia and as aggregate in the Autonomous University of Barcelona. Author of numerous publications and frequent speaker, has been awarded several times for work done on the field.

*Translated with Google translator. We apologize for any imperfection

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